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Older Child Adoption
Is it Right For You?
An older child adoption is not for everyone, but for those called to this special adoption, it can mean laughter, joy, frustrations, and the satisfaction of seeing a life dramatically changed for the better.
If you are thinking of an older child adoption, carefully examine your motives before you consider applying.
Never adopt a child out of altruistic feelings.
Your children will never thank you for bringing them into your home.
In fact, they will likely miss their former home even if it involved some deprivation!
Also never take on an older child adoption because you think it will be easier than adopting an infant.
I know this by experience; children never get easier to raise.
True, I no longer have to dress my ten-year-old, and I don't have to spoon feed him, but he still demands a lot of time an attention.
So will the older child you adopt.
So What Are the Benefits of an Older Child Adoption?
They can do more.
They can dress themselves, and brush their own teeth.
Also they can (although that doesn't guarantee they always will) talk with you, and tell you what's going on in their lives.
And the Downsides?
They will have pasts you may not know about.
They will remember and grieve their birth parents, the staff at the orphanage and the friends they have lost.
They will have to cope with moving to another country and living with people they don't know very well.
And they will have to learn to trust you, an adult.
If the adults in their lives have betrayed them in the past, that could be a problem.
They'll express their frustration and grief through prolonged crying, shock, acting angry and defiant or withdrawing from you.
They are also likely to regress and act far younger than their age, at least for awhile.
So Do You Have What It Takes?
Here are some of the traits you will need for a successful older child adoption:
You're Realistic
You know it won't be mutual love at first sight, and you are willing to work at the relationship with your child, just as you would any relationship.
Your child likely won't bond to you right away.
You know that, and you're willing to wait.
You Know You're Child Will Be Needy
And you are willing to work to meet those needs, all the while realizing that your child will be incapable of meeting your needs.
You Are Flexible and Can Handle Any Problems That Arise
No, that doesn't mean you have to know everything, but it does mean that you aren't the type of person who freaks at change.
With an older child adoption, things in your life are going to change dramatically!
You Can Laugh
Nothing deflates stress quicker than a sense of humor.
My mom, who worked in a hospital for thirty years, said hospital staff who learned to laugh were far less likely to have a nervous breakdown.
If you can laugh, you can handle just about anything that comes your way.
You Are Dedicated
If you aren't willing to stick by your child through thick and thin, whether he loves you or not, you might not be able to handle adopting an older child.
You Are Willing to Turn For Help When Needed
If you think you know everything about adopting an older child, you're setting yourself up for failure.
No one can deflate your pride faster than your child.
You must be willing to ask for help when you need it.
You Have a Strong Marriage
Don't adopt a child hoping that will strengthen your marriage - ever.
Make sure your marriage is strong before you take any child into your home, and that goes double for adopting an older child.
You Have Good Communication Skills
This is crucial for any good relationship, but especially important for your older child adoption.
Your child won't be able to read your mind.
You must be able to communicate with him clearly.
The high costs of adoption are the main reason many couples don't adopt.
Don't let finances get in the way of your adoption.
Learn more.
If you dream of adopting a baby, then by all means, pursue adopting an infant. Learn more about international infant adoption.
Thinking of adopting a toddler? They will need special care and attention to help them adjust to the transition from their foster home to yours.
Here are some tips.
Think your child to adopt will be an older child adoption? It can be wonderful, frustrating, delightful and exasperating. Find out if you have what it takes to adopt an older child.
Many couples are intimidated at the prospect of adopting a sibling group, but the benefits of adopting these children far outweigh the hassles. Learn the benefits of the sibling group adoption.
Learn some of the pros and cons of adopting sibling groups by clicking here.
Do you feel your child to adopt might be a disabled child? There are challenges involved, but hidden blessings as well. Here are some things to consider.
Children on an international adoption waiting children list are there because agencies consider them harder to place. But one or more of these children could be the right child for you.
Learn more by clicking here.
International older child adoption has its own unique set of challenges and does require patience, outside support and work.
But these adoptions do typically work.
Have you ever thought about adopting a child who is HIV positive?
Thanks to medical advances, these children can lead normal, productive lives and need loving parents like you.
Learn more
Are you over forty and considering adoption? There are a lot of positives to being an older parent, as well as some challenges.
Read more.
Return from Older Child Adoption to the Home Page.
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